In competition, we discover ourselves.

                                       

                                        
     
            In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always
             wins...not through strength, but through persistence.

      It's been a while since I've written anything on this blog. I suppose I was too hurt and defeated by life to continue to divulge my inner thoughts. Perhaps it was disappointment from failed partnerships, cowardice from the voices around me who doubted my abilities...this forum forces me to confront my emotions and I wasn't ready to face myself. Things have changed in one year's time- I have grown as a dancer, moved on from living in little studios and from the confining, intoxicating memories of my childhood home to the City of Glendale. A place that fills my lungs with the pollution of noise and nicotine from all the hairy faces of the Armenians who congregate every street corner, coffee shop, and newsstand of this town. I'm happy here despite the pressures of every breathing thing of Middle Eastern descent bringing up the M word...marriage.

      My sister Jacqueline got married a few weeks ago and despite our unwanted distance, I'm very overjoyed at this new chapter in her life. And while I want to pretend that her graduating to this next phase of her life doesn't affect me, it does. Not because I am envious of her happiness, but because it forces me to think about the life I am giving up at this time in the pursuit of my dreams. The unconventional path I've led instead of the traditional one has undeniable sacrifices.

      I suppose a dancer's life can be a lonely one. But even a tough kid like me wants someone to nurse her wounds after tearing the same muscle for the fiftieth time; someone to be there after practicing with bronchitis, sniffles and every other contagious cold under the sun; someone to really see me, hold my hand and tell me everything is going to be alright.

      But, I move through these emotions. I am water, changing form through every circumstance- and, I cannot express with enough gratitude the selfless support from friends and family who have lent me the hours of tedious emotional and physical assistance, walking by my side and making every step possible.

      And for now, as I face competitions in salsa and ballroom, endure grueling training, forcing my body and mind into submission, practicing my routines to perfection- I am the master of my fate. I hold the keys to my destiny. No wounds, past hurts, or excuses can keep me back. I will pass through the grinding bones and muscles to achieve the inches of flexibility and extensions that will bring me closer to the picture of my inner greatness. I am a survivor and I fear no one. No judge, partner or one situation can take this illuminated picture from me. I surprisingly hear the voice of encouragement from my mother telling me nothing can hold me back. I hear my father telling me not to give up, to learn from him, reminding me his blood runs through my veins. I am strength, I am powerful, I am a survivor and I will conquer. Everything in life comes down to choice. And at 26 years old, I am too young to bow to defeat before I have seen my rose bloom. I hold the power. I will not stay in the darkness of my sorrow. I will fight and despite any disappointments, my life will go on. I will not break before I have seen what my strength and will can accomplish. This isn't the end. Oh no, this is just the beginning, and I have barely begun.

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth. Not going all the way and not starting." Buddha